To purge

Lately I have been feeling the urge to purge my life of all of the negativity and cumbersome bullshit that seems to keep me stuck in clutter. Being a relative neat and tidy person, it bothers me to have clutter, but the kind of clutter that I am speaking of is the clutter that resides within my soul. The stuff that keeps me stuck in a rut in the everyday monotony of life and disillusions me to what I am actually seeking to find. I have felt the deep pull to sit in meditation lately- to keep myself calm and quiet, to rid my body of all of the impurities that have been stockpiled and horded away for decades. I feel them having a negative impact on my daily life.

Perhaps that is why I have become so uber sensitive lately! I am overly emotional, which is unlike me because I am usually fairly level headed while on medication. But not recently. No, I become misty eyed when I have a moving conversation with my son (he's eight) or look at my partially disabled dog. I cannot control my urge to weep, whole heartedly, at the insane amount of love that my house envelopes. I feel drawn to the earth, to peace and to minimalism. I want to get rid of all of the materialistic crap that has built up in my surrounding space and give it away to someone who wants to have that kind of stuff in their life, because it certainly is not me!

I don't know what it is, exactly, that I do want, only the things that I don't. I don't want to be tied to a cellphone, or any other technology for that matter. Why must someone be able to find me at all times, even when I am sleeping? That is simply an invasion of privacy, and yet it has become so socially acceptable that we fail to grasp just how invasive it actually it. I do not want to have my body, or my kids' bodies, polluted by government regulated hormones, steroids and pesticides that wreak havoc on our bodies. Why is it so much more expensive to buy and live an organic and natural lifestyle? Because the government cannot make as much money off of the end product when they cannot have their hands on every step of the growing process. I want to feel safe in my world. Again, it seems simple, but it is far from it. When a homeowner has to hesitate between shooting someone on their property or going to jail themselves, we live in a supremely fucked up society. When did it become socially acceptable for our criminals to have all of the rights and for the citizens of our country to live in fear of retribution? If I choose to own weapons, as I do, I am to be a responsible person and take care to have them where others cannot find or use them, especially children. But my kids also know not to fear weapons either. They have respect for weapons just as they have respect for their elders, something that seems to have been long forgotten among the youth of the nation.

The issue seems to boil down to personal responsibility. I know that I have gotten off subject here, but it disturbs me to no end how rude and self centered the youth is these days! Everything seems to be a right, nothing is an earned privilege anymore! What ever happened to working hard for what you want and feeling that deep sense of satisfaction and achievement at earning something? I fear those days are long since gone. Closing for now, something to ponder: is it better to work hard for something or to simply have it given to you?